Do you know that?
You have stress with your partner. And now he is silent on you. Or to put it more precisely – he no longer reacts to you, he looks past you and your words and gestures go nowhere.
It is worse as if he was not there, because then there would be no communication option.
There is someone you care about who you hope you care about, and he shows you by all means that he doesn’t see you, doesn’t hear you, doesn’t notice you. You are lonely as if you were all alone.
But you may also know this:
You are totally immersed in a book, or a tricky handicraft, sometimes just thinking, and at some point you realize that someone is tugging your arm. You look up and look into 2 reproachful / annoyed / amused smiling eyes and learn that the person has spoken to you several times.
But you just ignored him.
So one time it was deliberately ignored, sometimes it was unconsciously because you were just concentrating on something else.
Version 1 will be far more hurtful to the ignored counterpart. And yet we always talk about “ignore” towards our dogs. And there you usually mean this conscious: “I do not see and hear you! You are not there for me! ”(If he is extremely happy, barking, excited, jumping up …) How will this be received by our dog?
What does it do to him? With us? For these reasons, I consider deliberate ignoring as an educational measure to be a very hard pressure. It is not a way for me to assert my needs.
There are others. Always.
Maybe I can’t think of any, but they do exist. But, like everything, the ignorance medal has its downside … that is the constant communication and interaction.
This is also – if simply non-stop – “unhealthy”.
There is a lack of freedom, the times for and with yourself alone, whether spatially alone or just everyone for yourself and yet together.
I was in an endless loop with my Border Collie. We practically clung to each other mentally and mostly through eye contact.
Here I used the above version 2 of ignorance to leave both of us a little more free private space. I took something on the gassis that I knew would catch my attention (book, sudoku …) and deliberately took breaks in which I then occupied myself. Not at all easy not to use the brief control glances 😉.
My boy was able to handle this form of ignoring well after initial uncertainties and then use the breaks for himself.
It was good for both of us.
As in all things, it is probably a balance here too… But I think you have to at least be aware of the possible impact of the planned “You are not there for me!” And not as a nice measure because there is nothing bad to add evaluate.